This is the notorious BMG. The Bloody Monkey Gland. Built right, this is no longer the mere Monkey Gland, with its thin red trickle of Grenadine stirred or shook to tint the orange glow with faint hints of the dark magic inherent in the Monkey Gland’s parent and original. Before there was the gin drink absconding with the name, the monkey gland wasn’t something a gentleman sipped. It was something he ate. The Bloody Monkey Gland is the drink built to mimic the original, to evoke a closer conjuration of its sympathetic magic.
Who’s got big balls? Angus Young might answer: This drink does. It has the bleedingest balls of them all.
[Rocky Mtn Oysters. Sympathetic Magic. ]
To build the Bloody Monkey Gland, you’ll need a bloody monkey gland, or two.
If the bartender’s craft sometimes elevates itself to an art, it is ephemeral as a cherry blossom, or a lover’s words scrawled in the swirling waters of passion. The drink is no sooner built than it is tipped and tippled – and that is the extent of its appreciation. Consider The Monkey Gland – how specious, looking raw and silver-skinned, when in fact it is only the simulacra of that famous bit of sympathetic magic – perhaps more charming when the guest raises their glass and realizes that this bloody monkey gland is nothing more apotropaic than frozen fruit juice, rimed with a trickle of flash-frozen water – ideal to ward off the common cold.
Done right and there’s an instant where the ‘gland’ appears to have been freshly harvested from an unfortunate monkey. There’s a trick to getting the silvered sheen of connective tissue, broken here or there, to shimmer over your monkey gland.
[To be continued…]
No monkeys were harmed in the production of this drink.